Tuesday, May 3

Somewhere between heartbroken & glad

I don't know how to start this post.
It's confusing how something you've anticipated for so long can still
take your breath away when it finally happens.

Grandpa Herr has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home
for the last three years.
At 91 years old his body wasn't quite working the way it should.
He had good days and bad day until one day he started having trouble breathing.
We called the ambulance and he was taken to the hospital and hooked up to
oxygen and IVs.
After that, we knew he was too fragile to live with my parents anymore.

Grandpa was at a nursing home for the last two months.
My grandma visited him every day and would sit by his side for hours, getting up every half hour or so to give him a little kiss.
During most of his time there, he was barely responsive, just so weak.
I drove down to visit him and grandma as often as possible -
about once every two weeks.
I'd hug him and kiss him and help him drink lemonade.
All three of us would hold hands and just be together.

When my uncle called me on Friday to tell me Grandpa had gone to heaven,
I didn't know how to react.
My chest tightened as though it was sobbing but no tears came.
We've known this day was close - I thought I was prepared. 
 The next feeling was a frantic rush.
I had to get to Grandma right away.
With my parents in the Philippines and all but one uncle at least 2.5 hours away, she might be scared and alone and hysterical.

I can't even imagine what we'd feel if we didn't know Jesus.
There's no other explanation for my grandma's peace and strength.
Every now and then it hits her and she breaks down.
But knowing Grandpa is in heaven, singing at the top of his lungs and waiting for her, is comfort enough.
She knows Grandpa lived a long, full life and was ready to go.

Over the weekend all the Aunts and Uncles were here.
We've been pouring over photos from when the two of them were dating, and then married.
Seeing my grandparents in a way like never before is surreal.
I can see them on picnics seventy years ago.
Doing dishes together in the '50s.
We found photos of my baby uncles - my grandparents building a family.

What a beautiful love story.
One that Camillo and I will strive for.
71 years of marriage?!
My heart breaks to see what a loving husband my grandma lost when grandpa died.
But at the same time I'm glad he's in heaven.
There's no more pain and weakness.
I'm somehow stuck in the middle of a multitude of emotions.

Now it's just me and Grandma in my parents' big, empty house.
We'll sit together, talking and remembering.
She is being so brave.
Her eyesight is just about gone so I can only describe to her the photos I look at.
"Here's a picture of you and Grandpa on a sailboat in Mexico"
Oh, the the stories she could tell...

Love you, Gramps.

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In Loving Memory of Orville 'Grandpa' Herr 1920 - 2011


All photos are property of the Herr/Olels/Candido family and should not be used in any form without consent of owner.
Thanks.

5 comments:

  1. Hey Joy, I'm sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.


    Becky

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  2. Wow! what a legacy! I am in tears! Hugs to you and your whole family! So thankful for Jesus and that we will all be together again someday :) Love you!

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  3. What a beautiful tribut Joy!! There's one picture of your Grandma that looks just like your Mom! And I see a lot of Jordan in the young pictures of your Grandpa..or as I called him, Pop!

    If you need that Mamma hug..just holler!

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  4. What precious words, Joy. He was such a beautiful man.

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  5. Awww, I hadn't heard this! I loved your Grandpa! I know that loss all too well.. but I too rest in knowing that they are with Jesus and as much as they love us, they would not leave him to return to us! It was because of your Grandparents that I came to know your family and had the blessing of babysitting such awesome kids!

    Tessa

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