August 12th, the day before my due date
On a sunny walk with a new friend, she asked me if I am the mama I always imagined I'd be. It seemed like a simple enough question, right? But I couldn't even answer it!
After giving it some thought, here's what I came up with..
I knew I'd be able to keep an infant alive. I knew I'd be okay with pee/poo/snot/slobber/spit up anywhere at any given time. I knew I'd make all kinds of sacrifices for the sake of his well being. I knew I'd make funny faces and talk in silly voices just to catch a smile. So to that end, Yeah, I am the mama I thought I'd be.
But what about when he gets bigger? Will I be able to teach him to obey with a happy heart? Will I be the mama that can show him how to love Jesus? Will I be able to teach him good manners and how to be sweet? Will I be a good mama even then?
It's overwhelming to think about and it would be easy to get worried about the answers to those questions. But, as I'm learning with everything else, I just have to trust Jesus. That's harder than it sounds, I know. But He'll take care of Ollie and teach me how to take care of his heart.
If I'm sure of just one more thing, it's that this is what I've always wanted. To be a Mama. And, by God's grace, Oliver has made me exactly that. So, wether there are scrambled eggs in my hair, sweet feet padding back and forth in the kitchen, sleepless nights, or goofy giggles, I'm exactly where I want to be. I get to be a Mama. His Mama. And that is way more than I ever imagined I'd be.