And it has to do with working hard.
And working right.
First, read this post that got me thinking.
Read it? Good.
Now, isn't it ironic that this was the prompt for week 4 of Gussy's Workshop?
Let me back up and tell you that it took me almost 3 months before I quit the job that was making me miserable because I didn't want anyone to think I was giving up, or not a hard worker, or an unruly employee that couldn't just get along with her boss.
It was this crazy internal conflict because I knew what I wanted, but I didn't think I knew what God wanted.
I was so afraid of doing the wrong thing, that I didn't do anything at all.
It literally took a panic attack on the way to my shift one night that finally pushed me into turning in my two weeks notice.
Fast forward about 2 and a half months to the present...
I love being self employed!
While I'm still working out my official business plans, God has been providing side jobs for me that have provided income equal to and sometimes more than what I was/would be making at my last place of employment.
And I'm doing things I love.
I feel so blessed.
The trouble now, is that I often feel the [unnecessary] obligation to prove my worth as a helper in our family and as a member of society.
As if I need to earn my stay.
I find myself making lists of all the things I've done in the day while Camillo was away studying and working hard.
If the list isn't long and impressive, I sometimes get upset and annoyed like I wasted the whole day.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Nobody on the outside is telling me I'm not good enough, not working hard enough, or that if I just accomplished a million and one things in my day I'd be adequate.
This internal conflict has come up again and, just like last time, it's coming from a place of doubt and worry.
I forgot who I should be living for.
Jesus knows my heart and He's the only one I should be allowing to convict me of how I spend my days.
If I'm seeking Him and doing my best to serve Him whole heartedly, it's okay if my To-Do list is short.
So let's enjoy the days we're given.
Let's laugh a little more and stress a little less.
Let's do the things that make us happy.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anybody else but I appreciate you reading this far.
I know there are only of few of you but if you'd be so kind, I would also appreciate a smidgen of feed back.
Do you ever feel like you have to 'earn your keep'?
Are there ever those days that you feel like you're not doing enough?
Leave a comment below!
Thanks for listening..