Drink Your Cantaloupe

photo via flickr

Saturday I started fantasizing about giving Ollie back. Ya know. For just, like, one day. Don't look at me like that, you've totally thought about it, too. It had been a super long week of ear infections, high fevers, molars coming through, needing to be held all day, screaming awake every two hours through the night. I was exhausted and, in a moment of weakness, wondered at the possibility of ever getting a break. I'm confessing this to you so don't judge me.

As I stood over the sink full of dishes, feeling sorry for myself, I looked over to where he sat in his chair. I watched him put a chunk of cantaloupe into his cup and then casually try to drink it. It was so sweet and, at that moment, Jesus softened my heart, gave me a big dose of compassion for my little guy, and a spurt of energy to do the next thing I needed to do. It's not Ollie's fault he's in so much pain. He just wants his mama. And that's me! I get to be his mama. The one he runs to when he just doesn't feel good.

It takes a lot to be a mom. Most importantly, Jesus. I couldn't do these back aching late nights or early mornings without Him.

xoxo
Joy

Hello, Monday

   

   Hey guys. Happy Monday! Did you have a good weekend? We sure did. It started Friday with a visit from my bothers, Jordan and Leo! I hadn't seen Leo for 3 years so it was nice to give him a big hug. It's always nice to see Jordan, too. Ha! Saturday morning I was able to spend some time with Kristie while Camillo stayed home with Ollie. It's not very often I can sneak away from the little one. Mama needs some girl time every now and then, though, and I'm thankful for friends who are inspiring and refreshing! Sunday we heard a great sermon and then came home for a nap. That afternoon I got to go see Shelby and Paigey! I'd been looking forward to spending the afternoon with Paigey while Shelby was with her friends (it was her birthday party day!) but guess who slept the whole time I was there!!? So much for walking to the park or playing at the water table. Silly Paigey :) Next time we'll play!
   This week I'm looking forward to trying a few new recipes (which of course I'll share), planning Ollie's first birthday (balloons and pancakes and wading pools!), working on my 'about' page, and seeing a few friends.  What's on your agenda for the week? Hope it's a good one!
   xoxo
   Joy

ps. Ollie has watched this video of himself like 5 times this afternoon. As soon as it comes on he starts jibber-jabbering and runs to the computer with a big, goofy grin on his face. That boy!!

Quiet Time

While Ollie slept I could have scrubbed the pots and pans piled on the stove. Or cleared the dining table. Or finished the project I want to post. Or done a load of laundry. Or purged the coat closet. Or..

But mama's a little bit tired. And I just need some sit-on-the-couch-and-scan-through-pinterest-while-watching-a-show time. So I took it. I'm trying to take a little bit of time to rest and decompress everyday. Just for 30 minutes or so. It's good for me, my bambino, and my hubby. Now, chores! 

The End of a Long Day

It's been one of those days where I never really knew what time it was but somehow ran behind from start to finish. Thankfully, my little nugget can go with the flow and we only had one exhausted, heart broken melt down today. Next to the bananas at PCC. That's when I realized it was way past nap time. 

It still amazes me how even an exhaustingly long day is so different now as a mama. Before, I probably would have been stressed, grumpy, irritable, mean. You'd have to ask Camillo. But having Ollie has made me more patient, compassionate, calm. I know it's only by God's grace that I'm not losing my marbles by bedtime and I'm not saying that I'm suddenly Mother Theresa. But motherhood has made me want to be my best self. Peas and all. 

Baby Mama

August 12th, the day before my due date

On a sunny walk with a new friend, she asked me if I am the mama I always imagined I'd be. It seemed like a simple enough question, right? But I couldn't even answer it!

After giving it some thought, here's what I came up with..

I knew I'd be able to keep an infant alive. I knew I'd be okay with pee/poo/snot/slobber/spit up anywhere at any given time. I knew I'd make all kinds of sacrifices for the sake of his well being. I knew I'd make funny faces and talk in silly voices just to catch a smile. So to that end, Yeah, I am the mama I thought I'd be.

But what about when he gets bigger? Will I be able to teach him to obey with a happy heart? Will I be the mama that can show him how to love Jesus? Will I be able to teach him good manners and how to be sweet? Will I be a good mama even then?

It's overwhelming to think about and it would be easy to get worried about the answers to those questions. But, as I'm learning with everything else, I just have to trust Jesus. That's harder than it sounds, I know. But He'll take care of Ollie and teach me how to take care of his heart.

If I'm sure of just one more thing, it's that this is what I've always wanted. To be a Mama. And, by God's grace, Oliver has made me exactly that. So, wether there are scrambled eggs in my hair, sweet feet padding back and forth in the kitchen, sleepless nights, or goofy giggles, I'm exactly where I want to be. I get to be a Mama. His Mama. And that is way more than I ever imagined I'd be.

xoxo
Joy

The Best Mess

So..this is what we did today. My little bambino is walking and climbing and digging and carrying and tossing and chewing everything. Naturally, that means that everything is spread across the floor. He'll pick up one thing to hug, kiss, or bite it (sometimes all 3) and then toss it over his shoulder and move on to the next. He's a heartbreaker, that baby! I love him a lot. Like, a lot. But I was really thankful when bedtime came early. Ha!

xo

Joy

Tubs and Toofies

Oh. My. Word.

Just when I think Ollie couldn't get any cuter/sweeter/happier, he springs one on us and we're once again blown away by what a blessing our little guy is. I mean, seriously. Like when he got his first two toofies. He loves to show them off with his big, happy grin. Or when he took his first bath in the big boy tub. He has discovered the sheer joy that comes from splashing in the water. It's epic, people, let him tell ya! Or the nights he scoots/crawls/face plants across the living room, looking back to make sure he's not getting too far away from us. Or when his little head jerks towards the door when he hears daddy's keys in the lock. Or when he jumps and jumps and jumps in his bouncer until he's so tired, he just needs to rest his head on his hands for a bit. Or when he wakes up from his nap with a little fuzzy bed head.

One evening, while I was rocking Ollie to sleep, I was completely overcome with how much I love him. And then, ya know what? I realized the amount that I love Oliver doesn't even compare to how much God loves His kids. It's hardly even fathomable and I've only caught a sliver of a glimpse into that love. There's so much more to God's love than I can even comprehend. His is perfect!

I'm so grateful for our little baby boy. Motherhood is teaching me so much about who I am, who God is, and what He has for me. It's really quite amazing. Next week I'll share some of what He's doing in my heart. I'm feeling much better than that one time..

We're heading out of town today. Our house is still in shambles and mama and the baby are getting antsy! It will be great to get out of the city and stretch our legs. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous so you better believe I'm taking my camera and my walking shoes. I'm feeling inspired already!

Next week is going to be full! Ollie has his 6 month checkup - we get to talk about eating solids!! The 14th is, of course, Valentine's Day, and the 15th is Ollie's 6 month 'birthday'. Also, I'll have a couple updates on the mold project (because I know you're dying to hear about it) and my cheerful project.

Until then, Happy Weekend, friends!!

xoxo
Joy

PNW Weather

The last few days in Seattle have been wet wet wet! And I love it. I think dark rainy days are beautiful. Especially when it pours on the roof and bounces off the leaves. Good thing I live in the PNW, huh? Yesterday was the most stormy - we even got some thunder and lightening! It was a day of snuggles in the rocking chair and naps with lots of blankies. 

Today has been less stormy but still just as cozy. We ventured out this afternoon for a mommy/baby hot cocoa date. As I type, Ollie is wrapped up to my chest, snoring away :) It's the perfect combo: work and baby.

We've got some low key family plans for Thanksgiving tomorrow. It's nice to have a low key holiday every couple years. Like I've said before, we're usually a traveling part of the hustle and bustle.  

What are your plans? Traveling far or staying close?

xoxo

Joy

Today I'm thankful

For stormy weather

That we have a cozy home to shelter us from it all

For quiet cafes and hot cocoa

On prioritizing and doing my best

Oliver, 7 days new

I've been told by so many people that I must 'sleep when baby sleeps'! In the first couple weeks, there was nothing else I could do - I was exhausted and in a lot of pain and discomfort. He slept, I slept.

Now, almost 3 months later, the honeymoon (you know: mom here cleaning the house, friends bringing meals, sleeping whenever I feel the need, Camillo at my beck and call) is over and it's getting a little harder for me to let myself sleep during the day. After all, who is going to wash the dishes, switch the laundry, plan the meals, cook the meals, write the blog, snuggle the husband, take the shower, read the bible, or clean up the house if I'm napping with Ollie? There's a lot to do but only a few short windows throughout the day that they can be done. This calls for some prioritizing and planning ahead. 

Oliver is a short napper - 45 minutes at a time at most. And there are many occasions where he can't stay asleep unless I'm holding him. (Remember the stages I'm reading about?) Sometimes I fantasize about sleeping all day but I have to remind myself that I'll feel better if my dishes are done or the garbage is taken out. But of my arm's length to-do list, what should I do first?

I'm still working out the kinks to that question but, in the meantime, I've got a couple guidelines that will hopefully help me cross off to-dos and leave some space for flexibility throughout the day.

First, I'd like to get up around 7am each morning. I'll have to give myself a lot of grace on this one without losing my will power. There are mornings when we're up at 4 or 5 for a half hour or more and, let's be real, I can't expect to wake up for the day at 7am. But on the mornings I can, a 7am wake up call gives me a little quiet time to have a cup of coffee, read my bible and map out the day.

Next, I want to do the dishes every night. This will be totally doable as long as I discipline myself. Oh my goodness, if I take 15 minutes to stand at the sink each night, I'll be greeted by a sparkly clean kitchen every morning (at 7am?). What a great way to start the day? So much better than walking in to a pile of dishes and counters so crowded I can't even pull out the coffee maker!!

Hanging up our bags and coats when we first walk through the door will solve the disappearing dining table problem. While I'm at it, I'll sort the junk from the mail and decide what goes where instead of leaving it all in a toppled stack. Imagine - eating dinner at the table?!

These three ideas will alleviate some of the clean up stress and leave the house tidy even if I can't scrub down every day. As for those 'scrub down' chores (toilets, vacuuming, windows, laundry, etc), they'll have to fight their way to the top of the priority list. Getting to them will take some planning on my part.  If I plan to clean the bathroom or write a post during Ollie's first nap, I'll be able to start right when he goes to sleep instead of spending his whole nap trying to decide which thing I should do. I can't do it all. I can only do my best and that's going to have to be enough. 

Here's to longer naps, everyday showering, and a date night or two. Until then, I'm learning that productivity doesn't mean working 10 hour days and completing long lists. Feeding my baby, snuggling my hubby, and getting enough veggies are productive enough.

xoxo
Joy

Anybody got any tips for prioritizing? I'll take all the advice I can get - leave it in the comments below!!

Today I'm thankful
That the elections are over (omg)
For a husband who understands that a messy home and frozen pizza are only for a season
For my new friend, Chelsea

Breast Milk and a Mama's Pride

Source: edibleaustin.com via Joy on Pinterest

When my friend told me she cried the first time her little one took a bottle, my first response was to try and encourage her. "Don't worry," I said, "It will be nice to have the option, and nobody is forcing you to give it to her if you don't want to!" In my first couple weeks as a mama, when I was on the couch/bed/rocking chair with an infant on my boob constantly, the idea of a bottle every now and then sounded glorious. 

Well. Now I get it. 

Last night my tiny baby boy drank from his first bottle. He did really well. And mama cried. 

There's just something about knowing he doesn't fully and completely rely on me that makes me feel like a little piece of my heart is broken. I have a nagging voice in my head reminding me this won't be the first milestone that makes me feel like this...Oh my gosh. There's still kindergarten. His first sleep over. A driver's license. College. 

All this is making me search my heart. Am I putting my faith in myself as his mother instead of in God -- his creator? Is my pride taking over and insisting I can raise him and keep him safe in my own strength? Do I accept that Oliver is God's little boy; a precious gift that God chose us to take care of? Parenthood is very humbling. It takes daily reminders, like a bottle of breast milk, to keep me focused on my first purpose: to worship God. All of my other purposes will fall perfectly into place if I keep that one at the top. I can't be everything Ollie needs. And he can't be my everything, either. It's a huge calling to raise children. And while it's a top priority, motherhood isn't the only one on the list. I'm a child of God, Camillo's wife, and Ollie's mama. Isn't that a lot to take in? It can be overwhelming! But I'm thankful that Jesus wants to walk with me and teach me how to live a life that He's proud of. 

As for the bottle: While we plan to breast feed for at least a year, we know there will be occasions where I might be away from Oliver for more than an hour and a half at a time. For instance, this weekend is my mom's birthday and we want to go to see Wicked! I'll be able to enjoy the evening knowing that Camillo and Ollie are doing just fine having a boy's night in. And neither of them will be starving. Note to self: get Camillo something quick and easy to make himself for dinner..

It might take some getting used to but I think we'll all do really well having a second option to feed Ollie when absolutely necessary. Now date nights don't sound so impossible. And, to be honest, I feel better knowing it's okay for me to have a bit of time to myself every once in a while. 

Plus, it's really really sweet to see Camillo feeding Ollie. That man loves his boy. 

Let's hear it, mamas! Do you remember your first bottle experience with your littles? How did you feel?     

xoxo

Joy

This is one of my favorite photos of his first 8 weeks...look how he's reaching out to hold my thumb. Oh my gosh, I die.

Poor little buddy. As hard as we tried, we couldn't keep Ollie from getting Camillo's cold this week. My teeny tiny baby bear has been sneezing and sniffling since last Monday and it breaks my heart! We spent a lot of time snuggling, that's for sure. Good thing he loves his k'tan. Mama loves it, too, because it let's me hold him close but keeps my hands free to do little odds and ends around the house. Even small chores like making the bed, doing the dishes, or folding the load of laundry make me feel good and productive. 

Hopefully all will be well within the next couple days. Camillo's almost back to 100% so I'm sure Ollie is close behind. Until then, it's snot suckers and snuggle time. Yay.

Our days and nights have all been a bit blurred together over the last 6 weeks but today we've got a big case of The Mondays. It's Camillo's first day back to class after taking the summer off to prep for the MCAT and we're sure gonna miss having him around! Thankfully we got a little practice at being home alone last week when he went back to his 5 hour shifts at the bank (again, after a leave of absence to prep for the test/take paternity time). With school in session, it's gonna be just me and Ollie everyday from 8-6. I realize that's totally normal and maybe even a piece of cake for most baby mamas so I'm in no way trying to be whiney. I only mean to point out that we're beginning yet another transition and adjustment period. The house will be a disaster and I'll be behind on laundry and dishes but I'm learning that that's okay for now. There's more on that for another post...

Anyways, let's talk about the weather. I'm ecstatic that it's officially Fall and can't wait for the cooler days! The sun is still shining bright and it makes for beautiful days. Wow, it's the end of September, you guys! Can you believe it? 

xoxo

Joy